Kaal : Gimme back my money!!!

chimera


Kaal 2/10
Dir: Soham
Cast: Ajay Devgan, Vivek Oberoi, John Abraham, Esha Deol, Lara Dutta






KAAL: GIMME SOME STORY AND STOP SHOWING KAAL (TAMIL – LEGS)

SPOILERS AHEAD!!

Film tagline : KAAL:ITS TIME TO DIE(For what??for watching this movie???)

If you are looking out for some hilarity trust me you won’t find a vestige of it in this movie but you will find loads of it in here. After seeing the promos one might easily come to the conclusion that this film is about Tigers that terrorize humans. Well, at least that’s what I thought when I saw the promos. If that’s what you had imagined make no mistake about it, that’s bull’s eye. The film is about two bored and pathetic tigers called Vivek oberoi and John Abraham who cant act, trying to kill audience, their time and their hard earned money. This was more like a Ram gopal verma movie rather than a Karan johar one. Well on to the movie now.

But getting back to the movie itself, the basic plot is this: A bunch tigers in Orbit National Park are in a really bad mood, possibly because they’ve just found out that their species is on the brink of extinction. So they decide to turn man-eaters, causing tourists to immediately flock to the park and get killed. This in turn results in Krish (John Abraham), introduced in a Baywatch-style chest-heaving running sequence, and his sexy wife Rhea (Esha Deol) being called there to investigate the matter. At around the same time, Dev (Vivek Oberoi), his hot girlfriend Ishika (Lara Dutta) and a couple of other equally obnoxious friends decide to drive through the jungle for fun.

Snarling monkeys, eering owls and creeping scorpions – The film opens with a scene at Orbit national park , India(Its actually Corbett park) at the middle of the forrest where a group of NGC guys try to get near a Tiger to brush his teeth.Naah!!!!to get a clear picture of that tiger.The guide accompanying them ures them to move forward and says nothing will happen. Well the tiger gets up and has a good sumptuous dinner.

Two months later,Krish thappar(John Abraham) is seen playing with a python(Indian cinema!!Gimme a break guys!! ).Krish is associated with the NGC.And his wife Esha deol is his photographer.He gets a report about man eating tigers at Orbit park. The couple decides to pay a visit to that park.

In a parallel track, four friends — Dev (Oberoi) and superstitious girlfriend Ishika (Dutta), with two friends (Vishal Malhotra and Kushal Punjabi) run over and kill a black cat, before bumping into Krish and Riya. And the story (???) begins

They take shelter in a farmhouse where a tourist guide is allotted for them. This guy talks bullshit about the jungle.Come midnight,people are asleep and suddenly the local guide is taken away and killed mysteriously. Next morning one of Dev’s friends goes missing.These guys after noticing that their guide has gone missing as well they decide to search for their friend .On their way killed.Just before getting killed he tries to disturb the jungle.

Now these bunch of Idiots set out on a mission to find their friend.Their jeep gets stuck in the middle. Tigers come out on hearing human voices.They come and the mere sight of vivek oberoi was so boring they don’t even try to attack.Vivek tries to get their attention by shooting into thin air. The tigers get furious say to themselves lets just finish of with this monkey and get moving.When it looks like the tigers are gonna attack those fools out comes Kaali pratap singh(Devgan).This mysterious man(I call him mysterious because whenever he appears a mantra keeps running on the background) saves the day for these people and the tigers coil there tails and run away on the mere sight of him. He shows that not all the stars are morons in this film. He delivers a lecture about the rules of the jungle and how mone must obey them.He says one must not walk in the jungles,one must not talk crap about the jungles and one must not disturb the jungles. Break these rules, u’ll be kicked into oblivion. They continue their search for their friend only to find his headless body.That terrorizes them.John shows he’s good at more that. one thing by deducing that Tigers do not take away heads and this cannot be an act og Tigerism. INTERVAL

Honesty interval was the best part of the film!!I enjoyed the interview thoroughly.Some respite from those morons!!It allowed me take a break,recollect my lost spirit and prepare myself for another torture-some 1HR.I thought now there will be some story and sense will prevail but only to be fooled again.

Post interval

Sounds too long doesn’t it!!!

The party decides to leave the forest and return home. It starts raining and pelts down.A massive landslide bocks their route.Just when they begin to wonder,appears,Kaal pratap.He says that he’ll guide them out.On their short cut way the car crashes into a tree.The party halts.Kaali pratap settles down in a stone in the river.He says the river is mysterious and one must not believe in that.Vivek Oberoi’s other gets nervy,looses the plot and takes control of the car.The party gets in and in a violent rush of blood zips the jeep past the dilapidated woody bridge over the river.As expected the bridge breaks and some how the jeep manages to hang for some more time.Atleast until other party members sans Vivek Oberoi’s friend manage to escape.Vivek’s friend dies.Kaali keeps saying mysterious things.Kaali talks about a guide who was there and how he used to lead people onto their deaths.One day people of the village found out that he was mad , beat him and killed him He also adds that these might not be tiger killings after all but the ghost of that guide.

They take shelter in an old house in the forrest to while away the time. There’s a well near by and Kaali says no one should go near the well.Esha gets thirsty goes near the well and dies mysteriously.John finds out that Esha is missing and searches for her only to find her dead.Vivek tries to help him get her body out of the well.Kaali stands on top of the well and delivers a lecture again!!!Vivek notices the lack of reflection of Ajay devgan on the well water.That sends alarm bells screaming!!!Vivek asks him Kaali to get some wood burn Esha’s body so that she can rest in peace!!In the meantime these guys do the escaping act. Kaali finds that these people are gone and gets furious!!He reveals that he was the guide who was beaten and fed to hungry tigers!!He explains why kills people by saying that this was his jungle and the animals roaming about were owned by him.

The remaining members of the party escape the jungle!!Thats it and closing credits!!!Most happiest moment of my life as this three hour fiasco comes to and end and my mind is completely filled with consternation.The only thing that kept throught the film and did not make me loose my hart was the fact this was only a film and it must gewt over!!And there was a treat to attend to!!!

Soham Shah is as inept at directing performances as he is at writing an engaging screenplay or building any sort of momentum or pacing visually. Lack of strong characterization tells on the dismal level of performances from the cast. Lara Dutta cringes, cries, and yells randomly, while Esha Deol consistently carries a strange expression on her face that suggests she might have just swallowed a frog. Capable actors, Vivek Oberoi and John Abraham are sadly curtailed by their cardboard characters. Ajay Devgan tries his level best to rise above the non-existent screenplay, but the daunting task of saving the film single-handedly proves too difficult even for him
One would expect a skilled writer like Karan Johar to spot a bad script, and the acute businessman in Shahrukh Khan to keep his money away from it. If a label can sell a movie, “Kaal” is the finest example of it, for Johar and Khan will more than recover their investment by cheating their audiences through a stunning publicity campaign. However, having set a precedent for themselves as quality entertainers, “Kaal” is Dharma Productions’ biggest failure. To put it plainly, this movie stinks.